10 Problems With Each Shinigami
by Tyki-Pon
Summary: Bleach characters have a bone to pick with other ones. So they let out all their anger on this book I cleverly made!
1. ORANGE Kurosaki

_Title-_ **10 Problems With Each Shinigami**

_Author-_ **Akira**

_Chapter-_ **1**

_Shinigami of choice-_ **Kurosaki, Ichigo**

_This chapter is hosted by- _**Aisegawa, Yumichika**

Every chapter will have someone making fun of someone else. Hinted Yaoi, but not often. It could differ from rants to scenes, just pay attention.

This chapter contains Yumichika the pretty hating on Rukia for her man chest. I think she's cool and all..but Orihimes cuter =P So, don't go preaching at me, go preach at Yumichika. He's the one writing it xD

Some spoilers, you have been warned!

I do NOT own Bleach... For if I did.. **Aizen** would win the war D

**------------**

1. He has **ORANGE** hair. Just..not a good color for someone who is supposed to be the main character of a series. Definatly **NOT** this months fashion sense of choice. But hey, Naruto wears his ugly orange jumpsuit yet he has tons of fangirls... So go figure.

2. He's practically a mix of Naruto, Ganju, and Grimmjow combined. **NOT** a pretty combination when you think about it. Literally.

3. He's completely oblivious to the fact that Orihime has sex appeal, yet he's attracted to Rukia, the one with a **MAN CHEST!** Seriously people, a man chest. God, I don't say good things about people other than myself very often.. So yeah, Rukia's ugly compared to Orihime.

4. Relation to number 3. I'm guessing that's why he took so long to fight Grimmjow when he told everyone "Back off, I'm going to take this fight somewhere else. I don't want everyone to get hurt." If you mean by mentally scarred.. I guess that'd work. I mean, that's why I turned around to fight Luppi.

5. Why oh kami why is he so damn stupid if he's at the top of his class?(Does that mean he's in a special school or something?)

6. They way he judges peoples drawings. Hey, I bet he's jealous of Rukia's crappy drawings. But I, being an image of beauty, never have to worry myself with critisim.

7. "Ok, what is the prettiest thing **OTHER**, than yourself, pansy?" I thought it over a bit until I came with an answer which resulted with a bloody, fractured nose. "Certainly not you, Kurosaki."

8. I think he and Ikkaku had some sort of relationship problems in the past or something. He really seems to hate Ichigo these days just because of his facial expressions. But hey, I hate him for that too.

9. I wish I could list more than 10, oh well. Do with what is given I suppose. Anyway, does anyone ever notice that Ichigo always finds **SOME** sort of power booster? Honestly, at this rate, he'll defeat Aizen when he couldn't even kill Nnoitra. But, then again, I don't see how my captain defeated him either seeing as he lost to Ichigo.

10. Ichigo will probably hate me for this. But since when do I care what un-beautiful people think? Ichigo Kurosaki, you are a lowlife idiot who can't fight his own battles because there's always something holding you back, and you only go all out in the end of a fight for "dramatic effect", as you always say. I always finish my battles quickly and beautifully.

I guess I'm done here.

..

Ichigo's coming!!! Bye!

**---------**

I naturally have something bad to say about everyone so that's why I'm writing this xD


	2. THOSE DAMN BOOBS!

_Title-_ **10 Problems With Each Shinigami**

_Author-_ **Akira**

_Chapter-_ **2**

_Shinigami of choice-_ **Matsumoto, Rangiku**

_This chapter is hosted by- _**Hitsugaya, Toushiro**

Every chapter will have someone making fun of someone else. Hinted Yaoi, but not often. These chapters can contain rants to scenes, but it will be just stuff on here.6

This chapter contains some scenes from before Aizen betrayed the Soul Society.7

Some spoilers, you have been warned!8

I do NOT own Bleach... For if I did.. Aizen would win the war D9

------------10

1. Her chest. Has anyone actually given her a damn shirt to hide those things?! Whether we're in the Soul Society, Hueco Mundo, or the world of the living, everyone stares at it. Its disguisting. Really.11

2. "Why are you always stuck with all the paperwork?" Aizen asked as he set a pile of paperwork next to my already-filled desk. I just stared at my sleeping luitentant. "Ah."12

3. "No, I am NOT wearing a sailor suit, Matsumoto." She pouted, "But, it was ordered by Yamamoto-taicho." Reluctantly, I put it on.13

4. She exclaimed, "Fire!" Next thing I knew, all of her little friends jumped out of nowhere and were taking pictures. Lovely.14

5. Never again. I always say this when I let her have the day off. Today was number 89. I'm getting closer to the point when Ill stop myself from saying "Yes" and start going to Kurotschi for some magic potion that'll refrain myself from saying that horrible, horrible word.15

6. "Get off your lazy drunken ass and do some damn paperwork." She smiled stupidly. "Buhz wehy duzzi gunna doeth the work if is to tired?" *hiccup*(Translation: But why do I have to do the work if I'm too tired?*hiccup*)16

7. The glomping. The horrible, horrible, scary glomping. I can hardly breathe when I say, "Get off of me, Matsumoto."17

8. I looked at my desk. Filled to the top of mountains of paperwork. I sighed as I opened my cabinet to find that it was full of candy, with a note saying, 18

'Dear Toshiro, me n' Izuru are gunna use the pencils to help Rukia draw chappy. Here's some candy.19

Love,20

Rangiku.' I closed the cabinet. Kami knows I hate that godforsaken woman.21

9. The ONE time I let her drink in my office. Paper work+Rangiku drunk=..22

MORE paperwork.23

10. I went to drop off some finished paperwork at the 3rd division quarters. I opened the door to find Izuru, hard at work. I stared for a few minutes and said, "Would you like to be my new luitentant?"24

----------25

xD Wow.. This actually turned out good!


	3. Horrible Clutz

_Title-_ **10 Problems With Each Shinigami**

_Author-_ **Akira**

_Chapter-_ **3**

_Shinigami of choice-_ **Hinamori, Momo**

_This chapter is hosted by- _**Aizen, Sousuke**

Every chapter will have someone making fun of someone else. Hinted Yaoi, but not often. These chapters can contain rants to scenes, but it will be just stuff on here. There might be some **OOCness** in some chapters.  
I do NOT own Bleach... For if I did.. **Aizen** would win the war D

This one is dedicated to all you Momo-haters out there! Considering I am one, I'm hoping this chapter will be easy.

Some scenes in this chapter are before the Aizen Betrayel Arc. Suggested AizGin.

Some spoilers, you have been warned!

**------------**

1. Oh how he hated her. How he despised her undenying loyalty. Too easily manipluated.

2. "Why d'ya keep her round, she's so dang useless, Aizen-sama.?" Gin snuggled closer to his chest. Aizen chuckled. "Jealous, are we, Gin?"

3. She tripped and fell into my chest. What an annoying, useless clutz.

4. I can't wait to kill her off soon, then Gin will stop being so damn jealous all the time and he'll stop stalking me!!! "Gin, I know you're there." "Oh! Ohayo, Aizen-sama!"

5. Her blood splattered everywhere. The death of Momo Hinamori. Perfect. "Aizen-taicho! Its time to get up!" A knock at the door. I sighed as I got up. What a perfect prediction. Simply perfect.

6. Today, I died. Not really, of course. Just a fake death. But when Momo attacked Gin, her face was hilariously stupid.

7. Never. Nope. I am NEVER bringing this useless pathetic girl with me to Hueco Mundo.

8. 'Shit! The oven! I left my crumpets burning! Oh well.. Maybe ill get lucky and the oven will burn my quaters with Momo and all of my paperwork inside it..' I pondered nicely as my runs turned into calmly walking down the side of the 5th division quarters.

9. Today, my dream begins! I know this now because I have officially murdered Momo Hinamori. I am so smart.

10. I leaned my cheek on my hand as I replayed what Ulquiorra told me earlier about Momo. How she actually believes that Gin is the mastermind behind this brilliant twist of fate. THIS is why I never brought her. So stupid...

**--------**

Yay!! Momo must dieeee!! xD


	4. The Beaner

_Title-_ **10 Problems With Each Shinigami**

_Author_- **Akira**

_Chapter-_ **4**

_Shinigami of choice-_ **The Beaner, Chad**

_This chapter is hosted by-_ **Kuchiki, Rukia**

Every chapter will have someone making fun of someone else. Hinted Yaoi, but not often. These chapters can contain rants to scenes, but it will be just stuff on here. There might be some **OOCness** in some chapters.

This chapter contains racism, don't like, don't read. xD But yea, seriously. I let out all of my anger from school in stuff on here. This is for comedic purposes **ONLY**.

Rukia shows her **DARK** side!!!

Some spoilers, you have been warned!

I do **NOT** own Bleach... For if I did.. **Aizen** would win the war D

------------

1. The silence. Who extends their sentences that long, neh?!?! I ask you! Not someone who still has ANY sanity, of course.

2. His name. What the hell? I can't even spell it right!!(Look at opening of this chapter for proof!!)

3. He is such a loser. Sure, he's strong and all, but he's had his ass kicked so many times, who cares? I even think Ishida's better!

4. Fangirl rating. He has a lower fangirl rating than Shizune from Naruto. Read recent polls to see she is at the bottom, right next to the ugly ass Kankuro. Btw, if anyone knows, WHERE THE HELL IS GAARA AFTER THE FIRST ARC?! Seriously...

5. Now that I think about it.. The pauses in his sentences could be from some weird sort of disease... Like Tourrets or something...

6. "Chad... why are you talking to a bird?" He looked up at me and said,"Because....

.......

......He responds."

7. (Invovling #6) Crazy, right? Well... I feel bad, its his only friend. (Laughing my ass off while writing this)

8. He's f-ugly. Yet he has 3 percent of bleach fangirls hearts. 3 Percent is enough to make me say "Holy shit, mexicans watch Bleach?"

9. (Relation to #8) Mexicans watching Bleach... No! Man, no! First the americans, then the europians. Tite Kubo said hed stop after canadian, but NOOO, we HAD to do Mexican. Well guess what wetbacks, americans ancestors had to learn english, so pick up the freakin english textbook and get learnin, jerks. I swear to god if we win the war, next step is to stop immigration.

God.. I am such a racist.. But, what do I care? I have soo many fans because I'm soo beautiful and perfect.. HEY! I'm kinda like Oprah... Cept not fat. I'm on a diet you know. But nevermind that. Onto number 10!

10. He sucks. Enough said. He lost to Nnoitra verrryy easily. But Nnoitra's awesome, so hed win anyway. He also lost to Shunsui in under 5 minutes. Pathetic.

----

Yesh.. Nnoitra IS awesome


	5. TPain and Buttsex Sweaters

_Title- _**10 Problems With Each Shinigami**

_Author-_ **Akira**

_Chapter-_ **5**

_Shinigami of choice-_ **Tousen, Kaname**

_This chapter is hosted by-_ **Komamura, Sajin**

Every chapter will have someone making fun of someone else. Hinted Yaoi, but not often. It could differ from rants to scenes, just pay attention.

This chapter contains snot too much racism. I mean like very small racism. Don't like, don't read. This was a request by Thunderwolf66.

This chapter is about our favorite Corgi-man Sajin talking about the worst justice lecturer out there.

Some spoilers, you have been warned!

I do **NOT** own Bleach... For if I did.. **Aizen** would win the war D

**------------**

1. Justice this... justice that... Sometimes I wonder why I ever became his friend.

2. "Sajin Komamura, why are you late to the captains meeting?" The head general bellowed. "Too busy duck-taping Tousen's mouth shut."

3. He always talks about his dead friend.. But does anyone truly, really, honestly care? I sure as hell don't.

4. You know how black people are these days? Like "Yo, dawg, whatsup?"...

.....

I'm starting to think that maybe..just MAYBE... I shouldn't have bought him that T-Pain CD for christmas...

5. Gin Ichimaru was being his usual self. In other words, playing pranks on others. Well, his target today happened to be Tousen. Pink does not look good on him. Neither does his Hannah Montana sunglasses.

6. Kenpachi is sexy. Tousen is just... Weirder than Kenpachi. So that's why I told him that I had "unfinished paperwork" with the squad 11 captain.

7. (In relation to #5) Neither does the "I love Buttsex" sweater.

8. When he left the Soul Society, he said, "I follow the path least covered in bloodshed. That is where justice lies."

Riight...And George Bush is going to heaven instead of hell. I certainly won't allow that, will I?

9. "Anything else anyone would like to add?" (At one of the Espada meetings) Aizen scoured the room and completely passed Tousen, who was raising his hand. He sighed. "Anything NOT justice related?" Tousen threw his hand back down to his side. "Good."

10. "Who's a better kisser? Kenpachi or Tousen?" Gin joked. "I'd say Kenpachi, cuz he never misses." I replied calmly. xD

**----**

This is harder than it looks, people. -.-  
My uploading process will be at RANDOM times. But I expect atleast 2 reviews for each chapter from now on to upload the next. So This was a request by one of my very nice reviewers =O My next request will be Shunsui making fun of Byakuya. A request by lulucute =3

As for my other stories, they'll be coming later x-x I have the first chapter of Sky Chord done though =3 I think It turned out good! =o


	6. Because he did General Yamamoto

_Title-_ **10 Problems With Each Shinigami**

_Author-_ **Akira**

_Chapter-_ **6**

_Shinigami of choice-_ **Kuchiki, Byakuya**

_This chapter is hosted by-_ **Kyoraku, Shunsui**

Every chapter will have someone making fun of someone else. Hinted Yaoi, but not often. These chapters can contain rants to scenes, but it will be just stuff on here. There might be some **OOCness** in some chapters.

This is a request by **lulucute.**

Slight(maybe a lil more than slight) Shun/Bya 

Some spoilers, you have been warned! 

I do **NOT** own Bleach... For if I did.. **Aizen** would win the war =D

**------------ **

1. So cold, he is. Strong with the force, very much. I feel like yoda.

2. I absolutely think his hair is gay. Sorry fangirls, everyone, and little man-chested-devil childs who are named 'Rukia'. But it is true. Seriously, what STRAIGHT guy wears hair clips? None that I know of.

3. Ukitake and Byakuya's hairstyles ARE different, thank you very much. My poor, precious, old frail Ukitake-kun is too sick for a haircut. So don't give me some stupid reason Byakuya never bothered to cut and/or style his hair differently.

4. "Why?" I finally blurted during Yamamoto's discussion of why Kurotsuchi, Mayuri should NOT be a cook. Byakuya stared at me calmly and said,"Why what, Kyoraku?" I could not believe he was THIS oblivious. Its 93 degrees out, and he's wearing a SCARF.

5. Flash Step. Or Shunpo in japanese. I always wondered why he mastered in that. Until I saw him being chased by his many, annoying fangirls , being leaded by one very ugly Rukia.

6. He touched my neck. I felt... Very... Used, and violated... The moment he asked what size I was, I ran out of a store in the world of the living, screaming, " I AM NOT GAAYY!" Byakuya popped his head out, holding a scarf in hand. "But its PIINK."

7. (Relation to #6) Yea.. Maybe I overreacted just a LITTLE bit... Pink is my favourite color! But I am NOT gay! Even though I saw Byakuya kissing his luitentant, naked, does NOT mean I am gay.

8. When Aizen betrayed the Soul Society, you bet my ass I was shocked when I saw him protecting his man-lady sister, Rukia. I mean, she IS a guy. -sigh- Oh.. Man-love works in mysterious ways, my friend.

9. You want to know WHY he took Rukia's place in the Shinigami's Woman Society? Because he said he wants to look at girls. Please. He wants to get close to Yachiru, then to get close to Kenpachi. TOO BAD. Kenpachi's already taken by Sajin. Yes, I read the earlier chapters of this book. Whoever wrote this, really needs to find something better to do with their life. Although I thank you for the fact I can put this down for future reference by his damn fangirls.

(Me-Wow..That's nice.. A**hole -.-)

10. "Kami.. Please tell me how this man became captain...

A voice boomed in,"Because he f***ed Yamamoto-san. All is said, by the great lord and maaassteer, KAMI!" I smiled at the thought that he replied, then turned disguisted because he did nasty things to the general.

**--------**

Poor Bya is gay. Oh well. I don't care, cuz I prefer Gin ;P


	7. Eating problems

_Title-_ **10 Problems With Each Shinigami**

_Author-_ **Akira**

_Chapter-_ **7**

_Shinigami of choice-_ **Ichimaru, Gin**

_This chapter is hosted by-_ **Matsumoto, Rangiku(Drunky!! =P)**

Every chapter will have someone making fun of someone else. Hinted Yaoi, but not often. These chapters can contain rants to scenes, but it will be just stuff on here. There might be some OOCness in some chapters.

-Sniffle- I have to do this chapter.. FORGIVE ME, MY SWEET GIN!! Blame the one who submitted this damn request! The one named 'yuki lilly bell 8D' shall perish by one of Szayel's god damn awful experiments!! XD jk jk

Some spoilers, you have been warned!

I do NOT own Bleach... For if I did.. Aizen would win the war

------------

1. I stared at him while we walked down the halls. When we had to take a turn I tried to trip him. He jumped right over. How the hell doe he figgin see hmwheer hesh goin?

2. Anorexia. I never thought it could be bad. Until I saw Ichimaru. Yea... Wow.

3. Which is cuter? Gin with Aizen or Gin with Izuru? I swear if Shuuhei asks that again I'm going to punch someone.

4. He has a crush on me. I swear. Did you know he watches me when I sleep?14

5. (Relation to #5) Nevermind crush. Replace that with STALKING.

6. If I ever had sex with him, itd be like riding a stick. (I feel so sad for writing this, people) T-T

7. I always wondered..

...

How the hell does he eat?!

8. Today, I had a dream of Gin in a bunny suit. Also today, I puked. Add' em together. =.=

9. Aizen is sexy. Its true. Gin is just an albino. I think albinos are creepy compared to maniacle people -cough-Aizen-cough-

10. I thought he looked like a hamster. No shit.

---

God I finally made it. You happy?! I love my ginnie-poo T-T Btw read my new fanfic, Jigoku Kira, if you like Deathy Note. xP And tell me if it sux or not, k?


	8. Waah nots a chapter

**Yes, I DO suck lately…**

* * *

I am sorry for not updating lately. It is because my stupid mom is PMSing and took away my blackberry… WHICH has the newest chapter with Soi Fon being made fun of by our good ol kitty, Yoruichi. So yea, sorry for the inconvenience and WAY late updates. This is typed at my school and I am really ticked and really will try to tear the house apart to get my blackberry back! =o God I h8 her -.-

Im sorry my very nice reviewers/ readers. I might make a future chapter at my school though so there is hope.

-**The greatest fan of gin (maybe Aizen) Akira Vi Brittannia! Yay**

* * *


	9. Kitty Stalkers

_Title-_ **10 Problems With Each Shinigami**

_Author-_ **Akira**

_Chapter-_ **8**

_Shinigami of choice-_ **Soi Fon**

_This chapter is hosted by-_ **Shihoiun, Yoruichi**

Every chapter will have someone making fun of someone else. Hinted Yaoi, but not often. Maybe some Yuri in this chappy. It could differ from rants to scenes, just pay attention.

This contains Soi Fon being a complete clingy whore. Also, This will be the start of where some other people contribute to the story. The lil ol people from the past, present, and from beyond the world of Futurama.

Some spoilers, you have been warned!

I do NOT own Bleach... For if I did.. Aizen would win the war D

**------------**

1. I SAW what she did to her last luitentant.. Now I know why Momo would rather go after older MEN...

2. People say she would be a perfect mate for me. Oh.. I forgot to add that it was only 3 people that said that.

3. PMS. Something she is used to.(To be honest, I STILL have no clue what PMSing means.. Yeah.. I'm stupid xD)

4. Anyone who is ever even close to cool is watching the Shinigami Golden Cup, right? Well if you aren't, then you're just not cool. For you peaheads who are to damn lazy to look this up, In one of the Shinigami Golden Cup's, Soi Fon wanted to see me undressed. I am 100 percent in love with Kisuke, **TYVM**.

5. She can be **VERY** scary.

5b. I saw her literally tear off a piece of the panalling and start to chew on it out of anger towards me.- Requested Anonymous 2nd Divison Member.

5c. Luitenant Omeada, your Captain needs to see you right away to talk something about how you owe the squad the money for making her eat wood.- 5th seat.

P.S.(Yes people write in this book)

6. She says she doesn't want anything sweet. Maybe its because after I bought her the candy called "Hersheys" and she went to the world of the living to "check the area."

...

Came back weighing a total of 236 lbs.

6b. She was fatter than her Luitenant!- Rangiku

6c. Get back to work- Anonymous and very annoyed whitey

7. She made us take pictures of Yoruichi-sama.. -Unknown Team from Squad Ops.

7b. I suggest you remain anonymous. - Omeada

8. She's cat obsessed these days.. I wonder why..

9. Despite previous additions to this chapter, SoiFon is kinda of a..-Unknown squad 2 member.

9b. I suggest you get back to your post immediatly. -Soifon

10. I will kill the author of this book. -Soifon

**---**

I'd better run.. .o.


End file.
